A New Beginning and a New Hope

I wanted to share with you a story…

An 11 year kid was challenged by a new mathematics teacher to solve a congruent triangles problem in front of the class. Without hesitation he picked up the chalk and solved the problem on the black board. When he turned around, he saw all the students and the teacher were laughing at him. He was convinced that he has solved the problem correctly but yet no one bothered to look at the solution. All he wanted from the teacher was to read at his solution before laughing at it, because he knew after reading the solution, the teacher won’t laugh at him.

12 years later, the very same kid decides to publish his research ideas in cosmological sciences in a top journal. Unfortunately, not even a single journal was ready to accept his work. Disappointed, he decides to submit to pre-print archive (http://arxiv.org). Even there, the moderators reject his work. There is nothing more hurting for a researcher than his work being rejected even before being read once. And when, he was going through all the rejections, there were those people, again laughing and pulling him down. All he wanted from people was to read his paper before laughing at it, because he knew after reading the paper, people won’t laugh at him.

Do you know why I told you the above story? That kid was me. Do you know why that teacher and students were laughing at me? I was using Hindi alphabets to represent the angles and sides instead of Greek mathematical symbols. My use of Hindi alphabets didn’t have any effect on the solution but yet, the teacher and the students felt it’s hilarious to use Hindi alphabets. And do you know why my paper got rejected everywhere? That’s because I wrote it in Hindi. Yes, I wrote a full-fledged cosmological sciences paper entirely in Hindi.

When ArXiv moderators rejected my paper, I felt bad at them. ArXiv has over half a million research papers but there never has been a paper written in Hindi. And when a paper written in Hindi was submitted, the moderators had no clue what it is. But you know what hurt me most? There are over 410 million people who speak in Hindi across the world and yet we don’t have even a single science journal that publishes papers written in Hindi. For that matter it’s not just Hindi, we don’t have a research journal in any of the native languages of India. It is as if, we Indians have given up that a native language speaking person can ever do research. That seriously hurts me. A language should never become a barrier for research and scientific ideas.

One fine day, I came across this website called viXra.org that helps the researchers to post papers on internet without any moderation. Of course, the no moderation policy has attracted lot of junk papers on viXra.org and my well-wishers suggested not to post the paper on viXra.org. I waited for while and it was hurting. Eventually, I decided to post the paper on viXra.org. In science, if something is correct, it will stand on its own and research should not depend on the reputation of journal but rather on its merit.

The paper is titled ‘फ़्रीडमन-लेमैट्रे-रोबर्टसन-वाकर ब्रह्माण्ड विज्ञान में असतत उर्जा की परतें’, which translates in English to ‘Discrete energy bands in Friedman-Lemaitre-Robertson-Walker Cosmology’. You can download the PDF file of the paper from the below link

http://vixra.org/pdf/0910.0027v1.pdf

The below link contains the English abstract of the same paper.

http://vixra.org/abs/0910.0027

The actual Hindi abstract of the paper is given below for your quick reference

अज्ञात उर्जा (dark energy) और अज्ञात तत्व (dark matter) की संरचना और स्वभाव आधुनिक ब्रह्माण्ड विज्ञान (modern cosmology) के महत्वपूर्ण समस्याओं में से एक है। फ़्रीडमन-लेमैट्रे-रोबर्टसन-वाकर (Friedman-Lemaitre-Robertson-Walker) ब्रह्माण्डीय सिध्दांत के दायरे मे, अज्ञात उर्जा और अज्ञात तत्व की व्याख्या करने के लिए कई संशोधित प्रस्तावो (modified proposals) की रचना की गई है, तथापि सम्पुर्ण समस्या का समाधान प्राप्त नही हुआ है। इस खोज्-पत्र मे, साधारण तत्व, अज्ञात तत्व और अज्ञात ऊर्जा युक्त असतत ऊर्जा परतो (discrete energy bands) की परिकल्पना (hypothesis) की गई है। बलो को सार्वभौमिक (global) तथा सीमित (local) बलो मे वर्गीकरण किया गया है जिसके आधार से, ब्रह्माण्ड में ऊर्जा के असतत परतो की परिकल्पना की गई हैं । अवलोकनीय साक्ष्य (Observational evidence) द्वारा हम असतत ऊर्जा परत की परिकल्पना प्रमाणित करते है ।

Now that the paper is there on internet, I want it to be read by all those who know Hindi. Believe me, you will understand it. Science isn’t that complex that it can’t be understood. In fact, it is beautiful. Trust me and give a read, you will enjoy it.

A lot of friends have asked me, why am I doing it when I can publish the same paper in English? Yes, I can easily publish the paper in English because I know English. But what about the 500 million odd people in India who don’t know English? What if the next Newton or Einstein is born among those 500 million people and just because he doesn’t know English, the world will not be able to recognize his/her research talent. I am afraid, by now we might have lost few such intelligent minds. There is a strong need to have research journals in our native languages. Scientific Research isn’t an alien thing that can only be done by developed nations. Some kid from a remote area of Bihar or Jharkhand who doesn’t know a bit of English can also come up with a spectacular scientific idea. And just because, we don’t have a forum, we will are losing such talent. And my intension behind writing this paper is to set an example that research can be done in our native languages and soon we will have scientific journals in our native languages. Insha’Allah.

Yeh Dooriyan…

Last thirty days have been the loneliest days of my life and I have no idea how long this would continue. It isn’t that I have never been lonely earlier but it wasn’t as painful as it is now. Every hour, every minute and every second, the waves of time make me feel the isolation. The roads which once enjoyed passing through today have become unappealing. The discussions in which I participated fail to attract me anymore. The songs that once made me happy seem like piece of noise. The coins and stamps which I collected passionately don’t give me happiness anymore. The stars and galaxies which I loved looking at through my telescope appear to be nothing but few dots in the empty space. Everything around appears so lifeless and disinteresting.

And then I hear her voice. It reminds me of the promises I have made, to myself, to her and to God. Yes, the promises. Every time she talked with me, it was not the ‘Abubakr’ that I am she was talking to, it was the ‘Abubakr’ that I wanted to be. Unfortunately, there is a huge difference between ‘Abubakr’ that he is and ‘Abubakr’ that he wants to be. For some reason, I was confident that someday I would be the ‘Abubakr’ that I wanted to be. But given my current state, I am failing miserably. Now, I feel like I have betrayed her and the rest of the people around me. I have failed to keep my promises.

This is my fight with myself. I don’t know why, I always believed that I can be a big scientist who unravels the deepest secrets of universe, experiments the craziest ideas and spreads around his intelligence. But somewhere, the life was not going in the correct direction. I was just living the life of a normal Indian, who spends his day working hard for his livelihood and returns home exhausted. There was nothing extra-ordinary, there was nothing intelligent and there was nothing special about me. And all the while, I was in some sort of identity crisis.

I would have never come out of that identify crisis had I not met her for those two days. I was there, in front on her and there was nothing special about me. I was just another guy, who has often spoken highly of himself but done nothing to prove it. And when that moment hit me, I was devastated. There I was, woken out of dream, facing reality. All I could say was… Will there be light in life?

And from last thirty days, I am searching every corner of my life, which led into that identity crisis. My heart still says, it wasn’t any identity crisis - it is actually what I am. May be, I have lost my way in between, but I shall soon be there. But then, if it was that easy, everyone around would have been a superhero.

Until I keep those promises, I am just living on the dead planet under isolation. And I promise, I shall keep those promise. I shall win her love and I shall win the respect.

Gaddafi, UN and NPT

I read about his heroics when I was a little child. A group of military officers led by a 27 year old Muammar al-Gaddafi, overthrew a pro-western government ruled by King Idris in Libya through a bloodless coup in 1969. Unlike, the military dictators, Gaddafi was neither the commander-in-chief of the army nor ruled the nation as a dictator. He handed over the nation to the people and established democracy. He didn’t hold any official post in the government but does remain as a de facto leader of Libya.

After 40 years of the revolution in Libya, on 23^th September 2009, Gaddafi delivered a speed at UN. While I don’t fully agree with all the things he spoke, but I do share some views common. It is well known that UN has become a puppet in the hands of veto-powered nations. It is courageous of Gaddafi to speak in UN about it and yes, the history will remember that someone finally spoke about it in public. The first 10 minutes of his speech were full of fireworks… he spoke about the reasons on establishment of UN, how the veto-powered nations are holding UN for ransom and why UN failed to prevent 65 wars that took place after the formation of UN.

According to UN charter, ‘all nations are equal irrespective of their economy and size’ and yet there are five nations that hold veto power. When UN was formed, the five victorious nations of World War II considered themselves superior than others and framed a constitution of UN that gave them an upper hand than rest of the countries. These five nations include United States of America, France, United Kingdom, Russia and China. These nations are permanent members of UN Security council and hold a veto power on all resolutions made within UN. The responsibility of the Security Council is to uphold peace and security in the world.

But the fact remains is, the permanent members of Security council itself are the ones creating non-violent situation in the world. Almost every conflict or the threat to the world has been created by these five nations. I can’t imagine, the President of the world’ most powerful country lies to the rest of the world that a tiny nation has so called ‘weapons of mass destruction’ and goes on for the war that killed thousands of innocent people.

Another discriminatory resolution passed by veto powered nations is “Nuclear Non-Proliferation treaty” (NPT), which allows only the five veto-powered nations to have nuclear capabilities and rest of nations, should disarm and not test nuclear weapons. In the recent UN Council meeting, Obama called out India to sign NPT. India has outright rejected the proposal.

The question before all of us is, why do we have something called United Nations that cannot serve its purpose? Why can’t there be actual democracy in United Nations and no-veto powered nations? Why can’t all the nations be treated equally?

I guess… only the power and economy dictates the world. The nations that have power and economy do as they like and the nations like India, whose economies are dependent on these veto-powered nations, just keep silent. It’s the weaker nations like Libya raise their voices…but those voice just remain unheard.

We (Indians) need to say our next generations to stand on their own feet than being dependent on some nations whose foundational policies towards other nations are discriminatory.

9/11 Twin tower attacks and its impact to our lives – The History will ask questions

"I remember that day, it was 12^th September 2001 and I was at my college as usual. None of students who were sitting in the front row talked with me for the first three hours of the day. At about 12:45, during the lunch break, I was questioned by a second-bench guy ‘are you a Muslim?’ I replied to him ‘yes’ politely. The guy who sat next to me, questioned, ‘do you know those terrorists?’ I asked him, ‘which terrorists?’ He and few others went on abuse Muslims, while the rest supported him. I wish I had punched him on his face, breaking his front teeth but I couldn’t. I was the lone Muslim in the class (Section JI-1, Gowtham Junior College, Ameerpet, Hyderabad) and I had no support in my favor whatsoever.

When I went back home, I was told by my mother that there has been a massive terrorist attack in New York and over 4000 people are believed to be dead. Soon, I realized why those guys were abusing me and my religion. For the next few days, I was constantly provoked by abuses and nick-names. Eventually I decided to vacate the first bench. Generally, in India, the most intelligent students of the class sit in first bench while the dull students sit at last rows. There was never a time in my life where I had sat at last bench until that day. Sitting alone in the last bench was not just psychologically damaging but had a worse impact on my studies. While, the rest of my classmates scored over 96% marks in intermediate first year, I obtained merely 90% marks. And the worst was yet to come, after intermediate second year, I failed in IIT Junior entrance exam.

8 years have passed by since 9/11 Twin tower attacks and even today people find still some way or the other to abuse Muslims in general as perpetrators of those attacks. And in all these 8 years, whenever I thought of 9/11 attacks, I always asked a question at myself, does Al-Qaeda have enough intelligence to carry out the most sophisticated attack that ever happened on this planet? Whenever, I saw about Al-Qaeda on news channels, the images of illiterate fanatic people were shown, who only knew of street fighting with guns. They never appeared in any sense to be capable of designing such a sophisticated attack. The answer that I always got, Al-Qaeda was only physically involved in the attacks, the brain behind the attacks is someone else because Al-Qaeda simply doesn’t have the intellectual talent to design such sophisticated attacks.

Until, yesterday, I believed that Americans were convinced that Al-Qaeda is intellectually and physically involved attacks but that changed after I came across Charlie Sheen’s video message to President Obama. There are Americans who think, there is more to 9/11 Twin tower attacks than we know. My life might not have as affected by 9/11 Twin tower attacks as those who have directly suffered the pain of losing their loved ones but as a Muslim, whose life is not same as it was prior to September 11^th 2001, I demand the United States Government to do a honest reinvestigation of 9/11 Twin Tower attacks. And when I say this, I have no hope. "

My heart wants the dream to continue…

I had felt walking along with her in my dreams, but I never looked at her. We talked and we talked, and we probably walked all along the earth. The hills and the mountains, the valleys and the trenches, we crossed them all. We saw the darkness of the day and the brightness of the night. Every dream brought me closer to her. I spoke to her about my life, my science, my confusions, my weaknesses and my feelings towards her. She heard every word of mine with patience and dignity. There was never a time when she made me feel uncomfortable. She too spoke about herself, her thoughts, her understandings, about her life and about all. And my heart was touched every moment. I considered her as ‘Gift’ of God.

Before I could realize, the dream had taken a shape in reality. The feelings were exact, the talks were similar and my heart was touched every moment. She was simple, pure, clean, confused and amazingly interesting. I never understood what was so interesting in her that always attracted me. And as the dreams were, I never made an attempt to see her. I waited from the dawn to dusk, just to talk few words with her. This was the time when I was going through the transforming phase of my life. While, everyone around me marched towards their destinations, I was standing there, not understanding what life is. I didn’t understand, if there is life, what it should be like. And when I spoke with her, I saw what life could be.

During all those endless talks, I didn’t realize, I had turned 21 years old. Before the reality could kick hard at my face, God showered mercy on me. I secured a decent job for living. And the talks continued. Every day, I did my best to finish the office work as soon as possible and waited for her to come online. And then we talked until we got exhausted. The discussions were just like what I had seen in the dreams. The life was appearing beautiful. The discussions were on in reality and in dreams. I didn’t realize it was just ‘talks’ and there is more to life than just sharing a talk.

I told about her to my parents. I told that I want to marry her. It was then I was asked the hardest question of my life, ‘have you seen her?’ I didn’t know what to answer to that question.

About a year later, we met. It was just for few minutes. She was in hurry and I was tensed. Frankly, I never wanted to meet her. I just wanted those talks to continue forever. When I was about 12 or so, I realized that I have no charm unless I speak about science. Probably, God created me that way to avoid distractions in life. But most of the times, it left me hurt. And when I met her, the only thing that was going on in my mind was, what if, she finds me ugly… will she not talk with me again?

But she continued talking and I never dared to ask, what she thought of me. I can’t describe in words how happy I was then and how much I wanted to thank God. She was more beautiful than I imagined her to be. And the talks continued. Even today, I fail to understand, the mysterious force behind those talks. Probably, the most special thing about those talks was the genuineness. There was never a moment I felt taken back to express even the darkest secrets of my life. There was never a moment where I felt, I had to impress her or try to be a hero. I talked to her as I am.

As the talks proceeded, my heart was in its own world of happiness. Sometimes, I asked my heart to regain control, sometimes, I couldn’t help letting it go. I deeply fell in love with her. I can’t explain what it meant, what I wanted to achieve, all I knew was, I love her. When I said her about it, she was very polite. Sometimes she said, our beliefs are different and sometimes, she said things will not work out. We believed in same God and same Prophet, the difference in belief is man-made and I didn’t care about it. Probably, she didn’t want to break my heart, so she put it that way. Or maybe, it was something else, my heart never made an attempt to understand.

Another year passed by, the talks still continued. The heart was in love even more than ever. It was hard to imagine life in her absence. That’s when the cruel reality hit me. Her parents had found few potential candidates for her and those guys were in talks with her. The very thought of losing her, almost killed me. She tried consoling me, making me understand that it is not as simple as I believe it to be, but my heart found no reason to believe. Then came a moment, where things appeared to get serious. I feared that I would never see her again. I feared that I would never talk with her again. I feared that my dream would remain incomplete.

I travelled over thousand miles to meet her. And when I saw her, I was thunderstruck. The simple girl I have seen about a year back has turned into the stunningly beautiful lady I have ever seen. Of course, she was the God’s gift and it’s supposed to be beautiful, but didn’t know God’s been so kind. I couldn’t help asking myself, is she the girl who talked with me all these years? Is she the one for whom my heart is going mad? Is she the one for me?

As usual, she was very polite and dignified. There were hints of change in her but somewhere she was just the same. But yes, I wasn’t talking to a 19 year old girl but rather a 22 year old determined lady, who was living independently on her own. She was aware of her future and she was confident about what she is doing. We talked and we talked… and the day passed by. That night, I don’t know why, I woke up at middle of that night and I started crying loudly like a little kid. I didn’t know what was happening… I don’t know why it happened… but it was worse. I felt so helpless, so lonely, so isolated, so devastated, so destroyed and all I could do is, look up for God to help.

I think my brain had calculated that she would get married to someone else. She would no longer be the part of my dream. Someday, she would get busy with her life and would never talk with me. I prayed for a miracle… I prayed with my soul and heart.

The next day, I met her again. She looked more beautiful and elegant than ever. I have no words to describe, all I can say is, she is justified being my God’s gift. I had no words to say her. I just walked alongside her as silent as never. I wanted the time to stop, I wanted to turn and look into her eyes… I wanted to say her …. but I never realized that the day has come to an end. As a testimonial to the truth in my heart, I gave her the book of God. I don’t know, whether I will see her again. I don’t know whether she will be able to understand my unconditional love towards her. I will pray for her safety, for her happiness and for peace in her life.

Still my heart doesn’t understand all this worldly logistics, love is eternal.

Last night, I slept on my mother’s lap with tears rolling from my eyes. And I spoke non-sense of me being incapable, useless, physically challenged, idiot who doesn’t understand the reality, mentally disabled and what not. For a mother to listen such words about her son from her own son is a shattering experience. Deep in my heart, I knew, I was hurting her. I sincerely apologize for my words. And I want to say her that her son isn’t incapable. His name shall rise among the good. Insha’Allah.

And as far as my dream girl is concerned, my heart wants the dream to continue… maybe not on this planet but I am already in process of negotiating a deal with God for her hand in afterlife. And in return, I would do some great discoveries to take humanity ahead.