For some reason, most of you ladies felt that my previous post was offensive and you took it as matter of pride to defend the attitude of fellow girls. Well, let me clarify, given an opportunity I would prefer to be on your side than speaking on the behalf of poor guys.
Out of all those comments and phone calls, I got this SMS from a friend of mine that said
Keep the gender issue apart, now what do you think is the right way to react to the proposal of a guy while keeping the friendship intact. One you made fun of or to be rude.
This is what I have replied politely,
See… I expect the girl to say… you are not meeting my expectations than saying I didn’t look at you that day.
Now, this turned out into a heavy debate and yours truly had to finally give an elaborate explanation that he is not against girls and he just feels that girls should react in much polite way than saying, I didn’t look at you that way!
Every person has certain expectations and defining those expectations before your friends can always help you in avoid misunderstandings. You need not go out on a stage and announce those expectations; just let them know in one of those friendly talks. It is very easy for a person to get confused or misunderstand friendly talks.
I am not an expert in this field but since I am entitled to keep an opinion, this is what I feel.
If a girl isn’t interested in a guy who has been her friend, this is how she needs to respond upon his proposal “See… you are a good guy and I respect you… but… you don’t meet my expectations to be that special one”
If a guy isn’t interested in a girl who has been her friend, this is how he needs to respond upon her proposal “See… you are a good girl and I respect you… but… I never looked at you that way”
Unfortunately, the way majority of the people react is quite opposite. Let me categorically explain the subtle difference in the way we perceive this statements if we are at receiving ends.
Let us review the statements I have defined…
If a girl says “you don’t meet my expectations to be that special one”. At maximum, the guy would ask what are her expectations and since you do have well defined expectations, let me him know about it. Most of them will understand unless you say I am expecting superman with property worth 10 billion to come and marry me.
If a guy says “… you are a good girl and I respect you… but… I never looked at you that way”. There is a great chance that the girl will take him positively. Looking at a girl in that way is generally perceived as wrong thing in India and when a guy says “he never looked at her that way”, it means he is not done anything wrong. Moreover, the guy can always say, I saw you like a sister or some other relation.
Now, let us hypothesize the reactions, when the reaction has been vice-versa to what I have said.
If a girl says “I never looked at you that way”
This is how a guy feels “What the f*** … am I not man enough? Never looked at me like a man… do I appear like a gay to her?
If a guy says “You don’t meet my expectations”
This is how a girl would feel “What the hell… don’t I have the physical assets to meet his requirements… what does he expect from a girl…”
Without being too philosophical or sarcastic here, I just wanted to explain you the situation on how to react! Of course, if you want make the other person feel like shit with your reaction, you are most welcomed to do so... but a little rewording can help you deal with the situation in much better way.
PS: I am not trying to be Love Guru here.